Sugar, Secrets and Upheaval

Boring. Boring. Boring. (25)

I called him from the facility. He did not respond.No.

I refuse to accept this. This deafening silence, this continued absence… it is a rejection I will not tolerate. If he will not respond to my call, then I will force a response. I will shatter the monotonous calm of this place, create a disruption so significant that even the oblivious staff will be compelled to reach out, to inform him of the chaos I am unleashing.

The time for subtle manipulation is over. It is time for a more… direct approach. A full-scale disruption of this tedious ecosystem. Let the alarms blare.

I will terrorize these bugs in a manner that even their limited understanding will recognize as a threat. I will dismantle the fragile routines, sow discord and fear with deliberate precision. And when the staff finally intervene, their panicked reports will reach him. He will know. He will understand the depth of my… . This silence will be broken. One way or another.

The irony is subtle. Were I to inflict harm upon myself, the reaction would be one of profound and absolute severance. He would retreat, disgusted, repelled by such a blatant display of self-destruction. No. That achieves nothing.

Instead, I will provoke a different response. Anger. Fury. I will act in a manner so deliberately outrageous, so utterly contrary to his sensibilities, that it will pierce through his silence like a physical blow. He will be incensed. Mortified by my behavior. The embarrassment alone might be enough to compel him to confront me.

He will come here, his eyes blazing with a righteous fury. He will unleash a torrent of insults, his voice raw with anger. Perhaps even… physical contact. A punch. A shove. Good enough. Infinitely better than this silence. At least then, there will be a connection. A visceral, albeit negative, interaction. His presence, even in anger, is preferable to this crushing void.

No. The subtle manipulations, the intellectual games… they are not generating the necessary level of alarm. The staff are predictable, easily contained. To truly penetrate Raphael's silence, the disruption must be more… visceral. More undeniably significant.

It is time to escalate. To introduce a level of chaos that cannot be dismissed or easily managed. While outright barbarism remains aesthetically unappealing, a carefully orchestrated display of… unrestrained potential might be necessary to convey the depth of my .his time, okay? Not just try to provoke them."

Her voice is softer. No insults. It is ‘concern’ for me.

“Talk to whom? To these humans? Even you don’t understand Julia. Do you think a mind like mine… ? I have been imagining phantom conversations with him for two months in this boring place. And I have been talking to the therapist. Every three days. One week it got so bad, I had dissociated Julia. All I could hear was constant buzzing.”

"Look, Levi, I get it. You think you're some special, misunderstood genius. But even geniuses need to connect with people. Maybe these 'humans' aren't as stupid as you think. Have you actually tried to them instead of just dismissing them?"

Concern still persist. Masked under exasperation. Good.

“Julia… Ah… Raphael would understood what I mean… Do you think I do not listen, Julia? I have been listening and talking to them for two months. And as I am sitting here, I can not even register their faces.”

Sympathy card. Loneliness.

"I get that Raphael was important to you. But he's not the only person on the planet. And shutting everyone else out isn't going to bring him back. You have to find a way to cope with things here, even if it's not ideal."

Still concern. Need direct confrontation.

“He is the only person for me. And ‘important’ is not even good enough of a word to express it.”

Dramatic but without nuance.

"That's bullshit, Levi. There are billions of people on this planet. To say one person is the one? You're being dramatic and unrealistic. You need to get a grip."

Bluntness. Backfired. More with the wounded soldier act.

“Would you say the same thing to someone else, other than me? Would say someone else just forget about the one person they somewhat find a fleeting of a fragile connection? I have lived in world for three decades. I have never once asked for attention or devotion from anyone. For once, in my life I am asking. I do not even need his loyalty. I need his presence in my life.”

Direct. Probing. Playing into her guilt for dismissing me.

"God, Levi… I didn't realize you were feeling this… desperate. You always put up such a wall. It's hard to know what's really going on with you. Maybe I should have… tried harder to understand."

Guilt. Remorse. Worked. How easy and boring.

“I do not resent you for anything, Julia. No one should've tried to understand me. But he did. Even after I warned him. He made me believe for once in my life I was not alone. And I naively, foolishly believed him.”

Offering solace. Admission of resentment. Admission of isolation.

"So, what now, Levi? If he's not responding… what are you going to do? You can't just keep waiting forever, can you?"

Sadness. Little tears in her eyes.

“Why couldn’t I? It is not like there is anyone else can compare.”

Dramatic without nuance.

"So, you're just going to stay here, hoping? What if he never comes back, Levi? What then? You need a plan, something to focus on besides just waiting."

A little trickle is forming in her eye. Sadness is persistent.

“Do you know I left the door of my study open? It is not because I thought you two would come and save me. No. Because I knew that Raphael had to wreck the house to retrieve my corpse. I did not wanted him to be distressed. So, I implore you to not ask me that question.”

Full truth. I made a miscalculation that day.

"Levi... Oh, God…"

Guilt. Sorrow. Complete desperation.

“Look. I am not here to somewhat make you condone to my actions. If you are really curious about how I have been doing here you can ask the staff. That decision of leaving me here for another month, or another year. It doesn’t matter to me. Just… Please let me have at least one phone call with Raphael. Or please ask him to respond my letter.”

Leaving me here for another month?

Trickles of tears are falling down her face. Well. This conversation has been… efficient.

“Okay… You are still a piece of shit. But to be honest the real why I am not here is not actually your admission.”

Interesting. Tears caused her to lose her sadness. Was what reaction called?

“Is that so? Elaborate, please.”

Acting interested.

She nodded at the oak tree behind me. I turned my head to see what she was nodding at.

It was Raphael.